“I got to stop by the store before I head up there….do you need me to pick anything up for you?”, said my girlfriend to me on the phone. I jokingly said ‘yeah, toilet paper and lots of it, but I want a deal!’. So this would become my intro to the 24 pack of single-ply toilet paper, as she did exactly as I jokingly asked. I hindsight, I am very glad she did.
You see, about 3/4 of the way through the 24 pack, I was doing what I do best, taking a dump, and if that wasn’t crude enough, I had a bit of a…well… an itch! At this moment I realized that the single-ply actually does 2 things for you. For one, it of course wipes your butt, as you would expect. For two, in it’s single-ply roughness, it also scratches your butt for you! So to all them people on the internet that got caught scatching their butt on some hidden camera of sorts, this is your answer! You get a wipe AND a scratch at the same time! Now it is my go-to toilet paper:)
Fast forward to just the other day. I’m working on a Fixer-Upper Loan for a friend. She is buying a house AND she wants to remodel it, as it is a bank repo and needs a little TLC. So my fixer-upper loan will do 2 things for her, it will allow her to BUY the home AND provide the cash to do the remodel, all for one set of closing cost. So this ONE loan will do TWO things for her at the same time. It just so happens that I was taking a dump at that moment, pondering solutions, and my ONE ply toilet paper was doing the TWO things it does for me…and then it hit me!……..
ONE loan does TWO things…..
ONE-Ply toilet paper does TWO things…..hmmmm
So yes this is the reason I have tortured you with yet another gross poop joke to get this point across. And now you know the answer to “What does Single-ply toilet paper have in common with my Fixer-Upper Loan I offer?”
So if you or a friend are looking to get a deal on a house that needs some TLC, I have a GREAT solution for you. With the price drops you’ve seen in the news, you can get these homes at rock-bottom prices. With all the bank failures you’ve heard about, they need to get rid of these homes ASAP, as they don’t want to go out of business like the other banks. And with the fixer-upper money I give you for the remodel, you can make it better than brand new because YOU can choose exactly how YOU want it to look like!
How cool is that?!?!
So if you want to get a great deal on a fixer-upper home AND want extra money for a full remodel, give me a call today. If you want a deal on Scott single-ply toilet paper, I recommend the end cap at Winco by the bakery. They will do you right :)
Warmest Regards, Nick Krehnke 206-497-8605